Parenting is by no means easy which is why there are thousands of books on the subject and everyone has their opinion on the best way to parent. In fact even doing a list like this can be tricky because parenting is such an individualized task. However a list like this is possible because there are definitely some things that have been more than proven to be bad ideas. The goal of most parents is to raise happy and well-adjusted children whom contribute to society and while there are several ways to achieve this goal there are some things that are just a bad idea.
10. Being too much of a Friend and not enough of a Parent
Children really are neat people. They have so much enthusiasm about everything and haven’t had life dim their spirit. This is why it’s so easy to be friends with a kid. There is nothing at all wrong with being friendly with your child and finding the things they do interesting. There is no problem with engaging with your children and involving yourself with their lives. However, when you cross the line from parent to friend a child loses a bit of the structure they need to learn the way the world works.
9. Let them Sink or Swim
The idea of sink or swim came from the idea that if you threw someone who didn’t know how to swim into water their sense of survival would force them to learn how to swim. The problem is that while with some people this method did work, there were a lot it didn’t work for. Telling any child to simply go and figure things out on their own without instruction or directions is going to naturally result in a lot of failure for the child. While overcoming adversity is something we all need to learn, never succeeding can have disastrous effects on a person’s psych.
8. Protect them from Everything
Almost the exact opposite of the above entry many parents seek to protect their child from every possible injury they can think of. It’s natural to want to protect your child and one of the most important parts of parenthood is doing exactly that. However, there is a point where being overprotective can affect a child’s development. It really comes down to teaching them to make decisions on their own. As frightening as it is to think about there will be a point in your child’s life that you won’t be able to make decisions for them. If this point comes and your child hasn’t ever been given the chance to make a bad decision and learn from a mistake this can cause a lot of problems.
7. They can make their own decisions about everything
Someday your child will grow up and will have to make decisions for themselves and there is a lot to be said for letting them learn from natural consequences. The problem is that if you never step in as a parent and stop them from doing something harmful to themselves or others, they never have a chance to see what a good decision looks like. Yes, sticking your hand in a fire is a great way to learn that fire burns but if they cripple their hand in the process it’s a very expensive lesson. It’s tricky to balance allowing your child the freedom to make mistakes and to stop them from making really bad ones but by simply not stepping in at all, you are risking the safety and life of your child.
6. If you don’t like it you shouldn’t have to do it
All of us remember being forced to attend gym class even though we hate it. More than one of us was forced to play a sport we had no interest or talent for. Because of these events in our lives some parents have chosen to adopt a philosophy of not forcing their kids into anything they don’t want to do. There is no doubt that forcing a child to stay on the football team even though they loathe it can have a harmful impact, but by never forcing your child to do something they don’t like never teaches them the value of perseverance which later in life is a necessity.
5. You must win at everything
Because our children are the future or our own legacy it is understandable that we would want them to be successful people. Encouraging a child to succeed is a wonderful thing and on occasion pushing them a little harder is a good thing but there is a point when it’s too much. By drilling the idea that they always have to win into their head we run the risk of creating people who carry to much stress and eventually this can cause serious health problems. If a child feels like they will not be loved because they lost this gives them a very bleak view of themselves because no matter how awesome we are, we will have times we lose. Teach your child to be competitive but also teach them that no matter if they win or lose they will still be loved.
4. Rewarding a child with food
We all have to eat and part of being a good parent is making sure your children have enough to eat. Another part of being a good parent is making sure that your child eats healthily. Obesity is a growing epidemic that shows no signs of abating anytime soon and while there are a lot of reasons for it, one such reason is because some parents reward their child with food. We should reward our children and occasionally giving them a treat for doing well is a great reward but when you reward everything they do with food they get a skewed value for food.
3. Wielding an Iron Fist
Children are challenging and at times can seem to be completely out of control. More than one parent has resorted to authoritarian tactics to gain a sense of control over both the child and themselves. Children do need authority in their lives or they will never learn to deal with it as adults. Add to this the fact some of the most rebellious children come from homes where they have very little if any freedom and it doesn’t take a child psychologist to know that while authority and boundaries are a good thing for children, overdoing it can be very bad.
2. TV as a babysitter
The truth is that both parents work in most family households and this can mean that both parents have little to any time to watch their children. While it is an easy way to deal with the cost of a baby sitter to let your children watch TV, the problem of using TV as a babysitter comes in when parents are actually available and still don’t involve themselves with their children. It’s not easy to have energy to do something with the kids when you get home from work and most of us are hard pressed to make dinner much less spend time with the family. While the reasons are understandable every parent could benefit their children by turning off the TV and sitting down and talking with them. You don’t have to go out and do something active or spend money on an activity, by simply taking an hour each day to sit and listen to your children will pay huge dividends in the future.
1. Medicating the child
Before anything else is said it should be stated quite clearly that there are some children that do need medication in order to function well. If your child has a legitimate need for medication then by all means make sure they get it. The problem with medicating children isn’t that there are those who need it, it’s that there are so many who are medicated that actually don’t need it at all. It’s easy to understand why this happens. Parents have busy lives and when they come home to a child that is out of control, they can easily feel overwhelmed. This often leads them to believe that their child needs some kind of counseling and very often the counselors recommend medication (remember they only have limited time to actually deal with the child). The sad result is that more and more children are being medicated when cutting down sugar intake and giving them a little attention would actually to more good.